Sunday, November 29, 2009

An Elf Barfed on My Christmas Tree

I find it rather amazing that you can walk into a room of praying people, sit down, and begin talking as if you intimately know the person beside you.

You can be raw, honest, truthful. You don't pray so that your group hears your prayer. So that hey hear your sob story and feel sorry for you. You pray because you are having an honest conversation with your Daddy.

And that is where I reluctantly found myself tonight.

Booted out the door by Hottie Hubby is what I was.

I drove through the leaky night, reliving (once again) the U2 concert in the minute stadium of our Civic.

I wasn't sure that I could pray . . . that I would pray . . . out loud. It requires energy. And I have none, to be honest.

And yet as I sat there, the stomach acid of my soul began to eat away at the hardness of my heart (much like my stomach juices are eating away at the lining of my digestive system currently).

Sometimes I wonder how spiritual giants can fall into serious sin. But I know. Each day that you fail to check off your Bible reading or rather earnest conversation with God, the colder your heart becomes.

When we lived in India, we experienced Monsoon season.

Literally, we lived with clouds.

Clouds in our bedroom. Clouds in our cupboards. Clouds in the kitchen. We walked through the clouds. Everything was damp. You couldn't hide from the atmosphere that continually peed on your every movement. I remember climbing up to our loft that housed our spider filled foam mattress, and thinking that the covers would shield me from the heavy feeling that literally shrouded my body everywhere I went. But even the covers were affected by the clouds. Non potable water inhabited my existence. There was no escaping this great weather event. No amount of wind or sunshine could move the weighted clouds filled with water droplets.

Unfortunately when we left India, a part of this dampness returned with me.

I find myself experiencing monsoon season every now and then. Currently, the weather in my brain is cloudy with a chance of morning dew, followed by cascading raindrops in the afternoon. A brief intermission from this inclement climate will be experienced around 8pm, if a cuppa' chai is had.

I share this because I am desperately watching the WeatherMan to move in my life. And I am determined to document this shifting tide in the hopes that if anyone else is experiencing a monsoon they know that they are not alone.

So God, I must admit it is a little difficult to be completely honest with You right now, knowing that relatives and friends are probably going to read this. It is easier to ralf up my emotions when it is only my Cyber-Buddies. But You want and deserve more of me. And like a Christmas tree that gets barfed on by an elf, so my blog is about to be barfed on by little 'ol me, Jodi . . . who wants to have sunny weather with a chance of happiness.

God, will you clean up my mess? Please heal my heart, my body. Give me some energy. Restore the joy. Help me delight in my kids. And thanks that I am still giddy for the Hottie Hubby. Get me in shape for the celebration of Your Son's birthday. Give me fresh vision for my writing. Use me. Eat away at the moldy dampness dwelling in the dark places of my soul. Let your Word be like sweet sunshine. Cure my anemia. Fortify my resolve. God, love me. I know that You do. And I thank you for it.

Join me and other across the country this week. Send in your prayer requests to Week of Prayer and Fasting.


Kristen McG said...

thank you for your honesty...something I could do a dose of. I echo much of what you just said... You are a beautiful woman, inside and out, and I'm blessed to know you!

Rick and Beth said...

Hey, Thanks for your model of transparency. The Lord delights in you. I've been studying John 6 this week. It's full of Jesus doing what He does best, meeting needs...the world's need for a Savior, the religious leaders' needs for a wake up call, the disciples' needs for a rescue, the crowd's need for a meal. The application that He wants me to take home is that ANY need is met in Jesus. Any need.
I'm praying that your needs are met in Him today.

John 6:67-69
"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

This was a very moving post. I will be praying for you.

Mamma James said...

I too appreciate your honesty. I know that I am not alone in the struggles and joys I walk through daily, but sometimes still feel very alone. I was encouraged by your post. I am glad God is working in your life as He is mine. Thank you for being YOU...genuine, God-loving, insightful...oh, I could go on and on!!! :) I am thankful that we have gotten to know each other a bit more. I can't wait to learn more about you!

christina said...

I find your honesty refreshing...and I am proud of you for sharing your heart and making yourself vulnerable. You are loved...and God cares for every detail of your life. I am praying for you...
So glad we got to chat this morning. When are you coming to visit us? :)

Granola Mom's Hubby said...

That's why I love my wife. She's real and honest with herself and others (and she's a great writer). Sorry to break it to you ladies, but I have the best wife in the world. - HH

Kari @ p.s. said...

transparency is amazing and beautiful!

Jessica said...

So beautifully written, Jodi! I can not even find the words to express to you how inspirational I find all of your words. You are such an encouraging role model that I, like many others, am so incredibly blessed to "know".

P.S. Hold on tight to HH. Sounds like he's an amazing man.